I made a list of things I learned from reading these romances from my mother's generation, if you'd like to see it, it's behind the
1. My emotions can only be portrayed through crying. If I am happy, cry. If I am sad, cry. If I am on the rag, find a tent outside the village to reside in for a week and fucking CRY
2. If I don't get a husband (and SOON) my life is a waste. "I could die...no one would care...I'm all alone!"
3. My job is to cook for my husband. If I cannot do this, he will leave and I must grovel and learn to cook; in that order.
4. If there is an earthquake I must freeze, cry, and scream about how I don't want to die (I don't have a husband after all, so it will be a lonely death) until a man comes to save me. I won't expect him to shove my ass under a table or in a door way, he will carry me in his arms outside where we will wait it out (while I cry) under the windows which will not shatter despite the fact just on the other side of the wall boulders are falling from the ceiling as if a vortex to the stone age has been opened.
5. If A friend tells me that a guy is bad news, but he then asks me to wander into the woods and behind some bushes with him alone, I must go. He wont rape me, he'll be my true love and finally give my life meaning.
6. When I am married, I am not to meddle in my husband's business life. By that, I mean I won't speak to his boss unless I am spoken to first or my husband will be fired because his wife doesn’t know her place. If I make the mistake of doing this, I’ll just cry, it'll fix everything.
7. If a guy doesn't have a nice car, he is a square and he can go to hell.
8. If my boyfriend cheats on me it wont even cross my mind to be upset with him. I’ll just cry until the other woman apologizes and we'll all hang at the malt shop.
9. It's okay to kiss strange guys. I'm a girl and I can't resist these urges, and it's my place to please men.
10. Don't date a guy in a turban. It wont result in a jihad, but he will hypnotize me.
1. If your boyfriend crashes the car you two are in, leaves you in the now burning car with broken legs, then gets a ride home (hours away) while you are in the ER without a word to you it is YOUR fault. Your girlie bitching at him made him crash the car in the first place.
2. 'Straight guys' doesn't mean what I think it means. Also, what I think is insinuated by the opposite of 'straight guys' certainly doesn't mean what I think it means. And if it does, lolz.
3. If your fiancé dumps you your mother has every right to take to her sick bed and shun you.
4. "Sea captains don't ask for anything" is not only true but a great justification for assault and molestation (as if they needed justification if committed by your soul mate!)
5. If your boss insists on a kiss and tells you that he has memorized the shape of your body, it's okay. It's Christmas.